SELF SABOTAGING WAS PUTTING A DELAY ON MY BLESSINGS

Sometimes, we are our own enemies. Sometimes we are the creator of our own reality. Sometimes the results that we get is, because of our self sabotaging.

If you don't know what self sabotaging means, it means "self sabotaging occurs when people hinder their own success. When people take these destructive steps, their harmful behaviors can negatively impact nearly every part of their lives including their relationships and career." via verywellmind.com

I used to self sabotage a lot of things in my life, especially the relationships in my life. When it comes to a man, sometimes I get really insecure. I do not feel good enough for them. I don't feel pretty enough, and sometimes they make me feel like they are better than me. But they wouldn't be sent to me, they wouldn't approach me or they wouldn't show interest in me if they weren't somewhat interested in me. But my negative thoughts would tell me everything negative and keep me away from men, due to the things I went through in the past, that still has me traumatized. Due to fear of it being exactly what I want. Due to being hurt again like I always has been in the past. Most of the trauma, that we face is still planted in us, no matter how much shadow work, no matter how much we have thought we have healed from. God will place these lessons again in our lives to see how we are going to respond to them.

Self sabotaging in my experience is from childhood trauma, not having the right love in our lives, not having an example what love is, not having someone to look up to when it comes to love, so we try to find love outside of ourselves, and end up getting more hurt because all the love that you truly need is within you. But as someone who is healing, or for someone who isn't healed wouldn't know that. This is why they wouldn't know what love is, even if it was standing right in our faces, so we self sabotage the love that was heaven sent because we are so used to chaos.

That was me, I had an amazing ex boyfriend. But back in the day, I called that boring, and non exciting because I was used to toxicity. I was used to someone always yelling at me, making me chase them. it being chaotic, someone putting me down, it was always a tug of war when it came to love. But then I found someone who was truly amazing, he supported everything that I did, he never yelled at me, he made me feel so calm and collective. When I would get upset, and angry, he would be the one to calm me down and make me feel at peace. He was truly someone who made me feel like home. But as someone who didn't know they were toxic, for someone that didn't know they were traumatized, I ruined that special gift that God placed for me, because I felt like it was boring. I wasn't a good enough person for him. He deserves someone less chaotic, and then boom God found me my perfect match and humbled me, and that perfect match showed me that I was traumatized, I didn't love myself, and that this isn't love. I actually deserved this because this is what I manifested, and this is why I say be careful what you wish for, because it's not always going to be the best for you. It may even destroy you.

My point is, do not be so hard on yourself. Stop saying you don't deserve something. Stop settling for less because you feel like you won't get more. Stop accepting the bare minimum because that's something you're used to getting. You need to believe that there is more for you out there. You need to need to believe that you deserve everything. You deserve someone who will go above and beyond for you. You deserve that million dollars. You deserve that dream job. You deserve that big house, you deserve that Louie bag. You deserve anything that you think you deserve! That's why you need to stop being so hard on yourself, and being so negative about certain aspects of your life because you're definitely capable. What I tell everyone is, that you're a creator. You're the creator for a reason, because you can create your own reality. When it's time to create your reality, you need to be more positive around the things that you want, and when you get those things, do not push it away! Do not self sabotage this blessing because then it's going to be hard to come around again, unless you do the internal work, which a lot of people do not like to do because it's harder to change.

This goes for careers too, sometimes we don't aim higher because we feel like we could never be one of them. Those people who are millionaires, who has a ton of money, who works for themselves, who has people working for them. We end up settling for less because we are fearful of aiming high due to failure. My thing is, you can do anything, because you are the creator! One of the most talented creatures on this Earth, who can do many things. Birds cannot come up with their own clothing line, deers cannot sing and dance, fish can't make their own YouTube videos. But you can! You have the gifts, you have the ability to do whatever you want, but we are so used to self sabotaging things because society tells us that we can't do this unless you look like this, or you can't achieve this unless you know this. I say you can accomplish anything once you put your trust into God. Once you tell God, and stop telling people. Once you start telling God, instead of telling the Devil. Once you start just doing, and stop thinking so much that you talk yourself out of the finer things. You are meant to be a star in this lifetime, you already are but you need to step into that power! AND BELIEVE! If you don't believe in you, who is going to believe in you?