ADDICTIONS RUINED MY LIFE!

Addiction is needing to carry a vape with you every where you go. Addiction is having to smoke 3-5 blunts a day to feel complete. Addiction is needing to have access to your phone every second you get. Addiction is constantly posting everything that you do on social media. Addiction is keeping up with every celebrity and the gossip that goes on in their life. Addiction is sending that girl's latest Instagram picture into the girl's group chat. Addiction is needing every single fashion piece from Fashion Nova. Addiction is needing to get super drunk every night. Addiction is needing to have sex with him, so he can never miss out on this. Addiction is constantly watching Baddie's South to see who's fighting who. Addiction is having all these extra friends, just to feel validated? Addiction is spending $400 on wigs, to look extra good. Doesn't this all sound so overwhelming, exhausting, and energy draining? This was just about every addiction that I had, and I was always depressed, salty, lack of energy and dead inside.

Addictions ruined my life, because it made me waste so much time on things I really shouldn't care for. It made me waste so much money trying to keep up with the Kardashians and be someone I am not. I realized why I was so depressed because I was carrying all this extra weight and baggage for no possible reason? Just to really feel validated.

Smoked weed, because someone put me on to weed, and it was so fun to get high, and go get some food afterwards. Although, I do see myself doing this again in the future for fun reasons, to enjoy myself. I do not see myself relying on it for escapism, because I didn't want to do the internal work to heal myself. I do not see myself needing to spend so much money on weed, just to smoke it all up in a week. That is not fun, it is exhausting. Not only that, you're spending about $1,000 a week, (I buy in bulks) just to escape from reality for a second. I realized those feelings never go away, even if you smoke it off. It will always come back to taunt you later. I decided to go within and heal myself, and realized that I do not need weed the way I used too. Not only do I feel better internally, I feel better emotionally, not moving in slow motion, not addicted and needing to smoke every 2 hours, AND I AM SAVING A TON OF MONEY! Thank you God! It feels so amazing!

I used to be addicted to vapes. I started off with a Juul, and my favorite was the mint pods. Then, America started to threatened us saying they were taking away all flavor Juul pods because 17 year olds were dying from it. Did that stop me? Absolutely not! I then went to my favorite brand, which was Flair and they had mint as well. When I say that addiction was way worse than my weed addiction. When I lost my vape, which was pretty much almost, I would go and buy a brand new one. Could care less how much it cost, or even if I just bought one! I am getting my vape! Another way, to throw money right down the drain! I used to smoke vapes because it calmed me down, made my anxiety feel less intense, and I was obsessed with the feeling of breathing in and out. (Whole time, you can breathe in and breathe out without the vape.) Felt like I was doing something, when I was laying in bed and doing nothing. But boy, it ruined my girly parts. I was always having UTI's, and my digestive system was just dying out. I felt horrible, and actually more depressed. Smoking weed, and smoking vapes? Extra depressing! Not healthy, and actually energy draining.

Addicted to my phone... (I still kind of am) but it was in such an unhealthy way! I had to check up on everyone to see what they're doing! I was obsessed with celebrities lives and the Shaderoom, I was obsessed with letting Instagram know every single detail of my life. To see PNB Rock lose his life because his girlfriend posted their location! It is so dangerous to post your personal life on Instagram, and your every single move! I'm not famous but I am sure super happy that I broke out of that Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat addiction. I always needed people paying attention to me, or liking my pictures to feel validated. I would go all over the top for an Instagram picture. I mean if you're a celebrity, I totally get it. But to do all of that for the people for my hometown? Yeah never again! What a waste of time! It's so draining, because most of those people do not even like you, they follow you to keep up with your life, and hate on you when you out-due them. I realized all those people were weird and fake, once God started to up-level my life, then all the weirdos came out! Never try to do anything for people who can care less about what you're truly doing. It's also very draining to have energies of people that do not like you in real life watching you. Evil eye is real and you should be more careful about who has access to you. Just know, no one from my past has access to my life, and never will. Next!

Gossiping is an addiction. Yes it won't hurt you in a dying way. But boy, is karma real. Watch what you say about people behind their backs. God is literally watching you. Everything you say about a person will only back fire on you in the long run. It is not cool to be a mean girl. It is not cool to be a bully, a troll, or a stalker! None of that! You're draining your energy so much when you talk about people. You drain your energy so much typing that anon website in to watch my stories! You drain your energy watching me on a fake page. This is why you don't love yourself, and we all know you don't because talking, stalking, and watching other people wouldn't be on the top of your list if you did! I used to gossip just because my friends did, but there was some people I genuinely did not like, so yeah I didn't mind talking about them. But God humbled me by making me suffer from my consequences. I lost everything I have ever worked for. I was not in no position, or place to speak out of pocket about anyone! I had to work on myself, to find out that talking about people is not right, it doesn't feel right, it feels mean and wrong. I will never be apart of anyone's gossip group, because you need to grow up! That's just the truth! I eventually did, and I am so happy that I did, it was eating at my energy.

Addiction to spending tons of money to look good. But not ever feeling good. One thing about me, I can tell you back in the day I was extremely insecure. You wouldn't of been able to tell because I was always done up. Makeup done. Lashes done. New nails every 2 weeks. $400 wigs. Shopping every week. Perfume collection. Bag collection. I was that girl on the outside. But then inside? Sad, angry, depressed, sex-deprived, male attention, people pleaser, validation. Like I said, I needed to be that girl on Instagram for some damn likes? If I didn't get the likes, I was embarrassed. When a man didn't want me the way I wanted him, it made me shut off for a long time. Maybe even years. But guess what? I still looked good on the outside, so no one would ever know I was feeling this way! But God humbled me again. Took the highest paying job. Took the money. Took the house. Took the wigs. Took the eyelashes. Took the nails. Took the makeup. Took my clothes. TOOK EVERYTHING. EVEN MY BRAND NEW CAR. Now I am just Erica, with no things. God showed me how to love myself unconditionally without all the extras. He showed me how to love my soul. My energy. My heart. None of those things I had before, made me love myself. But now I feel so comfortable in my bare skin, and God did it because he knows I needed to learn how to love myself without all the extras. SO I thank God everyday for doing that for me because without unconditional love for yourself. You can never love those around you.

Addiction to sex? Yeah I had that. I must admit, but it goes back to not loving myself. When you do not love yourself, you seek outside approval. You want to be accepted. You want to be loved and cared for. You want someone to just give you attention, because of that inner child who was neglected when they were a child. (Go back to my other articles to read about other topics relating to that.) When you are not properly loved as a child, you are going to grow up and seek outside validation more than you seek your own. That's because your parents didn't show you how to love on yourself, they didn't show you love so you end up being insecure. They were mean and bullying you, so you end up hiding your true authentic self. A lot of people actually go through this, and never heal their inner child, and this is why they're still seeking outside validation from others. I used to think that sex would make a man stay. I used to think that sex would make a man like me, but most likely not really. They are using me, just like how I am using them. I want them to love me, and they want to use me. But we end up both using each other. They were a terrible person, now I am running around with their demons and energy. Just ruining my own life. Don't give your energy away so freely. My best advice is to learn how to love yourself first so you can attract the man that loves you more than anything in this world.

Although, I can go on and on and on. (Check out my YouTube video, and podcast on Addictions below.) Addictions can really ruin your life because not only do they take a lot of your money. It takes more of your time and energy. Imagine, if you didn't have those addictions or you have healed from your addictions, what you would be doing. Let me tell you what I am doing now that I chose peace over poverty.

I am writing this blog, with a focused and clear mind. I am owning 2 businesses. Being a full time content creator, while reading the Bible, and studying mental health. All because I decided to finally give up those addictions. It is easier said than done. But trust me once you decide what's best for you, your energy, and future. Everything will start to align for you naturally, like it did for me. At first, I did not know what God was doing. But now that my ego had dimmer down, I understand everything.

You can do it, you just have to believe.